父母必學的成功教養術！！
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一個同修來找我聊她兒子的問題：「師父，我有兩個孩子，女兒樣樣都好不用人操心，可是兒子今年14歲，明年就要考高中了，有時候我真的不知道該拿他怎麼辦才好！無論我給他請家教、送他去補習，可是成績就是拉不上來！我要他多跟他姐姐學習，他竟然說家裡沒溫暖，要我們不要管他，講他兩句就臭臉，真是氣死我了！這樣下去以後該怎麼辦呀？」
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我問她：「妳別總看孩子不好的那一面，他成績不好，但總有什麼是好的吧？」
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她說：「他就是喜歡跟幾個朋友玩樂團，愛打爵士鼓。」
我說：「他知道自己喜歡什麼就很不錯了，很多孩子在這年紀還不知道自己喜歡什麼呢！他喜歡什麼就讓他去學什麼，何必非得執著考試分數？而且，妳要多鼓勵他、和他溝通，給他溫暖，不要老是責罵他，或是拿別的孩子跟他比，每個孩子都有自己的長處，誰喜歡總是被人比下去呢？」
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這位同修聽了我的話，回家之後和她的兒子徹夜長談，鼓勵他大膽往自己的興趣發展，並且告訴他，不管成功還是失敗，家裡永遠是他的避風港。
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這孩子跟爸媽聊完後，告訴爸媽，雖然他決定要走音樂這條路，但他還是會認真把學業完成。而且他說到做到，即使把補習跟家教都退掉了，成績也沒有退步，還進步了，後來參加比賽拿了個獎，並且憑藉這個獎項申請上一間不錯的高中音樂班，專心學習音樂。
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很多父母會認為孩子成績不好是件很嚴重的事，但其實成績好壞不代表未來成就的高低，也不是評斷孩子的唯一標準。所有父母都是愛著自己的兒女的，希望他們能夠變得更好，但是卻時常因為焦急而用錯了方法，導致和兒女的關係變得很緊張。這時候，做父母的應該靜下心來，換一種方式，用鼓勵取代責罰，好好跟子女溝通，畢竟是一家人，有什麼話不能好好說呢？
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最後祝福大家：和父母、子女都能溝通順利，擁有美滿和諧的家庭關係。
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A Must Learn for Parents to bring up successful children
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A fellow practitioner approached me on issues related to her son. She said, "Master, I have two children. My daughter has done well in most aspects and requires minimal parental guidance. But we are quite lost when it comes to coaching my son who is now 14 years old and will be taking his high school exams next year. My son, on the other hand, has performed poorly academically. Despite engaging a family tutor and sending him for enrichment classes, his results have not improved! When I suggested to him to learn from his elder sister, he was upset and said that there was little warmth in the family, and asked to be left alone. When I tried to give him advice, he would put on a long face. This really troubles me! How do I deal with this situation going forward?"
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一個同修來找我聊她兒子的問題：「師父，我有兩個孩子，女兒樣樣都好不用人操心，可是兒子今年14歲，明年就要考高中了，有時候我真的不知道該拿他怎麼辦才好！無論我給他請家教、送他去補習，可是成績就是拉不上來！我要他多跟他姐姐學習，他竟然說家裡沒溫暖，要我們不要管他，講他兩句就臭臉，真是氣死我了！這樣下去以後該怎麼辦呀？」
.
我問她：「妳別總看孩子不好的那一面，他成績不好，但總有什麼是好的吧？」
.
她說：「他就是喜歡跟幾個朋友玩樂團，愛打爵士鼓。」
我說：「他知道自己喜歡什麼就很不錯了，很多孩子在這年紀還不知道自己喜歡什麼呢！他喜歡什麼就讓他去學什麼，何必非得執著考試分數？而且，妳要多鼓勵他、和他溝通，給他溫暖，不要老是責罵他，或是拿別的孩子跟他比，每個孩子都有自己的長處，誰喜歡總是被人比下去呢？」
.
這位同修聽了我的話，回家之後和她的兒子徹夜長談，鼓勵他大膽往自己的興趣發展，並且告訴他，不管成功還是失敗，家裡永遠是他的避風港。
.
這孩子跟爸媽聊完後，告訴爸媽，雖然他決定要走音樂這條路，但他還是會認真把學業完成。而且他說到做到，即使把補習跟家教都退掉了，成績也沒有退步，還進步了，後來參加比賽拿了個獎，並且憑藉這個獎項申請上一間不錯的高中音樂班，專心學習音樂。
.
很多父母會認為孩子成績不好是件很嚴重的事，但其實成績好壞不代表未來成就的高低，也不是評斷孩子的唯一標準。所有父母都是愛著自己的兒女的，希望他們能夠變得更好，但是卻時常因為焦急而用錯了方法，導致和兒女的關係變得很緊張。這時候，做父母的應該靜下心來，換一種方式，用鼓勵取代責罰，好好跟子女溝通，畢竟是一家人，有什麼話不能好好說呢？
.
最後祝福大家：和父母、子女都能溝通順利，擁有美滿和諧的家庭關係。
.
.
A Must Learn for Parents to bring up successful children
.
A fellow practitioner approached me on issues related to her son. She said, "Master, I have two children. My daughter has done well in most aspects and requires minimal parental guidance. But we are quite lost when it comes to coaching my son who is now 14 years old and will be taking his high school exams next year. My son, on the other hand, has performed poorly academically. Despite engaging a family tutor and sending him for enrichment classes, his results have not improved! When I suggested to him to learn from his elder sister, he was upset and said that there was little warmth in the family, and asked to be left alone. When I tried to give him advice, he would put on a long face. This really troubles me! How do I deal with this situation going forward?"
I asked him, "You should not just focus on areas he is weak in. Your son's academic results may not be satisfactory, but has he any other strong points?"
She said, "He just loves to play drum in a Jazz band with a group of friends."
I said, "It is quite positive that he does know what he likes. A lot of children of his age do not even know what they like! You should allow him to pursue what he likes. Why should you be overly worried about his exam results? Furthermore, you should encourage him, communicate with him and let him feel the warmth of the family. Try not to scold him frequently or compare him to other kids. Every child has his own strength, and who would like to be compared with others and feel inferior? "
This practitioner took my advice. Back home, she had a long conversation with her son deep into the night, and encouraged him to pursue his passion with courage. She assured him that the family would always be his safe sanctuary whether or not he succeeds in his pursuit.
The child was overjoyed after the conversation with his parents. He assured them that despite pursuing his passion in music, he would still work hard to complete his study at school. He eventually kept his promise and improved on his academic results, without the help of home tuition and enrichment classes. He even won a prize in a school contest and with the help of the award, successfully enrolled in a good high school to continue his music studies in order to pursue his passion.
Many parents take their children’s school results very seriously. But in reality, school results are not a measure of a child's real achievement in the future. It is also not the only yardstick to judge a child. All parents love their children and hope they will do well in life. However, they often apply the wrong method due to anxiety, thus creating tension in their relationship with the children. When this happens, parents should calm down and consider an alternative method, adopting an encouraging approach instead of just punishment, and also communicate properly with the children. Since they are part of the same family, there should be open communication between patients and children.
Finally, I hope everyone can communicate well with their parents and children, and I wish all enjoy a happy and harmonious family relationship.
文章来源：https://www.facebook.com/jinbodhiworld/videos/2107007466253068/
金菩提禅师Fcaebook https://www.facebook.com/jinbodhiworld/
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